never awake

Gray buidings, streets and sky
I have sacrificed body and soul for this fu*kin' shit
You have sentenced me to be punishment
But I'm sorry? I don't understand that
I'm not gonna cry, because I know
That it's only 178 days
These days are dependent of leaving this swamp
Fall to one's knees, ask for accelerator of time
Prison tears everything, I didn't deserve
It's not crime, which I made
So sayin' you, I'm not guilty


While you waking up, sleeping still
While you sleeping, waking up still
It's not necessary to die
When someone wanna just born again
Only dream, don't take that for real
It's wanna have laugh of yourself
Oh, darlin'! Let's play with it
We're never awake


Weird faces of motherfu*kers, shouts, noise
What do you want from me?
I said, it's not my fault
Bi*ch, have found a victim
Take your cross, screaming of pain
While prayin'
Appreciate hurt, which lives inside you
I'm walking dark street, thinkin' of you
Hold hate in my heart
Which I cannot say goodbye
But it's only 178 days and I'll be free like bird then


While you waking up, sleeping still
While you sleeping, waking up still
It's not necessary to die
When someone wanna just born again
Only dream, don't take that for real
It wanna have laugh of yourself
Oh, darlin'! Let's play with it
We're never awake

swing of selfs

I inhale poisoned air with every second. This is diametrical retreat pleasure. Terrible pain pierces by lungs, slosh with every breathe. Afterward all mind hurts. I must fight about defeat it, faith won't can not leave me. I'm swinging with ideas and dreaming about promised land. Swing isn't stop, stiring in the head all the time. There is selfs which I don't wanna hear. Reality whispering me positive and negative. Although heart still wants. Screaming loud "don't give up, realize it".

Escapade for unknown, interesting experiences, unforgettable moments, plans and desires, rest from everything - it waiting me for 2 weeks. I'm very happy for this time. Willingly I would don't come back, but unfortunately I have to. However maybe, for not long time? I'll know diffrent, completly new corner of the world. I don't care that it's near Poland and maybe not attractive for most of people. I appreciate, that I have chance to go somewhere. Germany? I Like it!

I haven't wrote here looong ago. Too much has happened, that I didn't have time. Camp and rest at the lake was successful. Generally holidays goes fast. I'm also proud of myself, that I was able to realize my decisions. Great feeling, have awareness that you did something. One month to finish of holidays and I'm going to use this time the best!

P.S. I'm curious who reads regularly my blog from United States? :->

rudarudaruda1@hotmail.com - my MSN, add me people!

accelerator of time

I'm dreaming a strong dream. Paralysis touches my senses. I see less and less. I can't explain this in words, thinking about things extraordinary. I'm wondering about beauty and cruelty this world. Every thing is miracle, something magical. Only need to more look. Everything happens only once, shame to miss it. It's my time and I'm gonna use it the best. Time will come for rest.

 Sometimes we say, that we would like to accelerate time. It makes me question, for what? Time flies fast. This accelerator is useless. Excists from beginning, It's no use to double it. 

I really feel like for something new. For new memories and meet new people. Currently nothing happends, I'm convicted temporarily for monotony. However I'm waiting with impatience. I think that it's rewarded good moments. Something for something :)

misunderstood mentality

I direct distance incessantly. It's just rescue for myself. Usually I feel with it good. However sometimes in our way bad and weird. I hope that it's concern only this place. Somewhere probably I'll spread my wings without boundaries. Anyway I can't wait this time. After what I see and my experiences I don't have desire for more. Everything here discourage me, I doing good look to bad game. I won't tell anybody about it. I can't afford for complete sincerity and clearness. All I to ache for it's escape and start over again. It's all.

Holidays has started and I studying of one's own accord. I have at least proof that I care. I'm happy for this motivation. I know that it'll be useful in the future. Most important that I get over with the first step. Now over the hump. It's also step to a dream come true. In july work at nice city with nice company, so another step to purpose. For the time being, everything works with plans! 

 I realized that I don't practise sport for month already. I'm not glad for it. On monday it's necessary to get some form serve to camp. I'll leave for week. Ten days karate camp, so three trainings for day and good fun. I won't rest, but nevermind. It's about for great memories. Unfortunately I have concerns to this. Always was amazing, but since the last time much things has changed. However I'm towards positive thoughts and I believe that will be great. Then I'll leave ath the lake with my bro and his chick :D After return work and in august GERMANY!!! I hope that I'll meet new great people there :)

welcome

I created my blog in english, because too much people from other countries reach here. I forestalling that I don't know english perfect, so I'll can make some mistakes. I'll  be try translate my every notes but I don't promise. So here we go! :)